Chaotic Times down the Rabbit Hole

I haven’t posted on here for a while. Life has been quite chaotic and beautiful all at the same time and I see this as a microcosm of the macrocosm. The landscape is ever changing and this can bring uncertainty and with uncertainty comes fear. It’s all part of the human condition. Humans like to feel safe and secure. We make ourselves feel safe and secure with external things, situations and people. In fact, that is  how we are programmed to be. To be dependant. Dependant upon money for material comforts, people to validate us, careers to give us status etc etc. This infiltrates into every layer of our existence until we have totally given our power away and we don’t know who we are any more. Eventually we start to believe the programmes that we are fed and  conditioned with and if these are challenged it can cause immense discomfort and pain because we have closed our minds and hearts to other possibilities, because we believe that we are what we are told we are. So if we aren’t that which we are told that we are, then who are we? Also, if the people around us, that are in positions of power and who are meant to have our best interests at heart, are not who they  have led us to believe they are, and that they don’t have our best interests at heart, then who can we trust and who are they and who are we. It doesn’t help that we are living in a society that only values the positive elements of living and life. So anyone who exhibits behaviour that doesn’t fit into this ideology is seen at best as eccentric or at worst discarded as not being able to contribute to society eg mentally ill or people with learning disabilities, the elderly etc and so we close our minds to the possibility that they might exist, quickly shuffling past the homeless guy in the street because he makes you feel uncomfortable, while looking for the next celebrity idol to model your wardrobe, makeup, perfume, image on (ok, maybe a bit of an exaggeration unless you are a teenager, but it is a sad reflection of the society we live in). We are taught to avoid pain at all costs. And I think that this is fundamentally what is wrong with our society. Pain is part of being human and if we think that it is wrong to feel pain, that we are a failure in some way or are ill, then we will suppress these feelings and they will be expressed in other ways, either through unconscious reactions which seem more emotionally charged than the situation warrants or through depression or psychotic illness. Or worse still, we will disconnect from our emotions and our own hearts. If we are unable to acknowledge our own pain and are not encouraged and shown how to express this safely and respectfully, then we won’t be able to acknowledge other people’s pain and so won’t be able to care for the vulnerable and the hurting. This is because it will make us feel uncomfortable and the reason it makes us feel uncomfortable is because we know, deep down, that we are ignoring an aspect of our own self, in our own heart. We are ignoring our own healing and self nurturing and are too busy living a life of values and standards set by someone else based upon what we have and status rather than who we are inside.

While everything stays the same and feeds these illusions that we have about life, then all is fine and dandy and we don’t question anything because we feel safe and we feel secure and if we can’t see the suffering of other people then we don’t have to think about it and so we don’t have to feel uncomfortable. At the moment though, there is a lot of uncertainty in the world. We are finding out that our governments do not have our best interests at heart, that financial stability is not guaranteed to anyone these days, even those in careers that were once thought of as providing this, and the very fabrics of our cultures and societies are being undermined, changed, and the norm of what was once acceptable no longer applies. Plus there is scandal upon scandal of paedophilia, abuse and misuse of power coming into the open of people who were once seen as role models and, even worse, that the people who are around them were actually aware of this and supported it. Nothing seems sacred any more and if we continue to look outside of ourselves for confirmation of who we are and what we are meant to be doing with our lives then we will either disconnect more and more from our hearts and become robotic zombies or the pain will be too much to bear and we will become mentally ill because we don’t know what to do with the pain, in a world that avoids pain at all costs. We are at a tipping point and there is another way. It is no longer possible to ignore what is happening in the world any more. So we can either become part of the problem or part of the solution. It is up to us but we must be brave and we must not be afraid to confront and feel pain. The answer lies within.

A year ago exactly, I went through this very process. As a child, I suffered from mental, emotional abuse and neglect. I have spent my whole life healing from this and I was shown at 16 yrs old that I had so much love in my heart. but had never felt love until that point. It took me many years of soul searching and rebuilding to heal but there was still something missing. I still didn’t feel fulfilled. I then found Reiki and the new age movement and felt that I was now starting to move in the right direction. But there was still something missing. I then became disillusioned when I discovered that some of the teachers that I had looked up to had the same human faults as all of everyone else. I had put them on such a pedestal though, that this came as a huge shock and I began to question all of these healing modalities as how can someone, who is still acting out unconscious programmes themselves, put themselves forward as a master of anything? I didn’t realise at the time, but I had given my power away to these people big time. To me they seemed to have so much knowledge and wisdom, yet they weren’t perfect and they were unable to see that they were programmed, which to me contradicted the image they were trying to project of themselves. Or was it that I was projecting an image on to them of how I thought that they should be behaving because I had given my power away and thought that they knew more about me than I did. Probably a bit of both to be honest. But I could see, throughout the whole of the new age movement that there was a reluctance to look at the darkness and that expressing anger or sadness was seen as somehow being ‘less’ spiritual, which I didn’t understand because how can anyone be less spiritual when we are all spiritual beings. I became disillusioned with the whole spiritual movement and stopped practicing and going to groups for a good year or two and didn’t really keep in touch that much with my spiritual friends on facebook, except for perhaps once a week. I preferred to instead, connect with ‘real’ people. But still there was something missing. So I started to connect again more and more on facebook and started reading articles and listening to videos of people who were talking about organic and inorganic timelines and this made sense to me and about how it was important to be authentic and this totally resonated with me. At last! This was what had been missing from previous  teachings that I had heard. But then I soon realised that when these people had a big following that they too started to exhibit the signs of being a guru and trying to control the people who followed them. This didn’t feel right. Also, I was starting to learn about an overriding consciousness that was trying to infiltrate and mimmick the organic consciousness and so I was totally confused and didn’t know who to trust or where to look for guidance. I didn’t even trust Reiki or Angelic Reiki any more. So who could I trust? The conclusion that I came to was that I could only trust MYSELF! This doesn’t mean that I have become a paranoid, hermit who doesn’t trust another human being. Actually, what it means is, that I have taken back my power of my own innate knowing and intuition, gnosis, discernment. And I believe that this is what is going on, on a larger scale on the planet at the moment. The microcosm of the macrocosm. And we can only take back our own power if we are willing to be authentically all that we are and this includes both our light and our dark. Being true to ourselves. So what does this mean and how do we do this? More to follow…………….


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