When I was a small child I used to love to read. As soon as I had learnt to read, I remember being so excited, that I would read absolutely anything and everything with words on, trying to make sense of the world around me. The part of the world, which up until that point, had only been available to adults. The books that I most enjoyed to read at age 5 and 6 years old were stories about elf’s and fairies or stories such as Aesops fables and Brere Rabbit. I just seemed to understand their deeper meaning and used to love connecting with that recognition and gnosis in order to relate it to my own life or the meaning of life. I didn’t know then that these stories held the wisdom, of which I carry and am grounding into the earth, so I was recognising myself in these stories.
As I got older, and was expected to read more academic books, my interest in reading dwindled. I think that if I could have read more fantasy, philosophy, mystic books, even at that age, I would have continued to love reading. But academia and famous five didn’t really interest me. I found them boring. What I wanted to learn about was life, and what made humans tick. Also, I was finding that I just wasn’t fitting in to teenage culture. I just didn’t understand it and didn’t know what was expected of me. I also seemed to have this innate knowing that at some level, we create our own reality. But I took this a step too far and ended up feeling responsible for everything that happened to me in my life. This meant that I felt responsible for my parents splitting up and my father leaving us, for not feeling that my parents loved me and the abuse that I suffered, for my brother having Down’s syndrome. I literally did feel responsible for creating everything in my life, and because I was so deeply unhappy, I felt that I must have been such a bad person to have deserved all of what I had created. I actually think that most children feel like this to a degree. I think at 7 years old it is a known fact, that children think that they create their reality, and it is dismissed as an immature phase of development, which children grow out of. But what if children have got it right. What if children are tapping into their own innate wisdom of what they are capable of and when they are aware of this they should be shown how to use this power to bring harmony to their lives and the lives of others. But if their care givers have never been taught how to harness their own creative powers, how can they be expected to teach their children these skills. So I moved through 3 key phases, as a child. The first one thinking that everything was magical, the second phase being that I was responsible for creating the magic but the magic was full of abuse, heartache, sadness and lacking in love and the third phase was a consolidation of the fact that I was not lovable and burying the idea that I created it all but feeling more and more disempowered and alone in the world and not understanding how it worked, if I had no control over how it was created. My childhood experiences completely messed me up for the next 20 or so years, to the point where I really struggled holding a conversation with another adult, at times, when I was in my late teens/early twenties because I had been bullied into not speaking by my mum and was afraid of what people would think of me. I started on a long hard slog to find out who I truly was and overcome this programming that had happened to me and I tried every self help book on the go but I was unable to apply any of them really, even though I understood what they were meaning. The application was always difficult for me. I overcame much of these programmes regarding communication, through my nursing career, where obviously there is a requirement of being able to communicate with a wide variety of people and I have learnt so much in this regards and also about myself too in the process. And I am grateful. There was still something missing from my life though.
Fast forward 20 years to my mid thirties and I am introduced to modern day spirituality via Reiki, which then made me curious about energy medicine and how it works and I would read books and watch videos (because we had the internet by this time) by people such as Gregg Braden and Bruce Lipton and I became like a child again. Like a sponge, soaking up all of this new found knowledge and a lot of it made absolutely complete sense. Parts of it, though, did feel a bit like some sort of club where everyone wears the same clothes, eats the same food etc and I didn’t really want to belong to a club so I sort of skirted around the peripheries of it all a little, but most of the time was spent gaining knowledge and I was particularly interested in relating energy medicine to science. Because I had always been a bit of a sceptic, I needed some proof and some concrete evidence as to how it all worked and I was finding it and it was blowing my mind. Why had I not come across this information sooner. Also, around this time there was the release of a movie and a book entitled ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Burn. It was huge at the time and was all about The Law of Attraction and how we create our own reality and the concept did make sense to me when I considered my new found knowledge about energy and quantum physics. Everyone was jumping on the band wagon and creating vision boards etc in order to create their perfect life but to me there was something missing. The way that it was being portrayed and used seemed a bit materialistic and third dimensional. A bit out of balance and most of all, a bit forced. As with every part of our development, particularly when it come to spiritual gifts, I have always had this innate knowing that we should not develop spiritual gifts in a forced or unnatural situation. For me, spiritual and psychic gifts will develop naturally as we develop and grow spiritually, as a person. And I have had this innate knowing proved correct time and time again. The reason being, is that we can only ever develop these skills at the level of consciousness that we are at at that particular time and there is then the possibility of tuning into or becoming distracted by a whole false ideology or by 4th dimensional entities posing as something that they are not. In regards to the law of attraction, if we have not developed sufficient spiritual maturity and expansion to fully embody the principles of the LOA at the highest levels or the skills don’t develop alongside and at the same rate that we develop overall and energetically, then there is a tendency to cause a spiritual imbalance. So, for instance, if too many people are, through intention, creating lot’s of material things that they want but they aren’t focused in love and gratitude, then it can actually have the opposite effect, because the law of balance will create the opposite of this in order to bring it back into balance because it is being created in a duality level of consciousness. Whereas if the person who is manifesting, is creating from a unity consciousness or 5 dimensional frequency of consciousness, then that person will already be in balance and so all aspects of the person unite to manifest the creation so there will be no counter creation. So although, I liked the idea of the LOA and a lot of it made sense, I instinctively knew that there was more to it than this and that we shouldn’t force it.
So where does this bring us to now. Actually, this subject has been brought to my attention a few times recently. It seemed that when The Secret, was really popular, and it became really fashionable, there was a tendency, by some people within that community, to look down on others who were having a tough time, and say that the reason why these people were having a tough time was because their vibration wasn’t high enough. This trend became so common that people within the spiritual community became too afraid to admit if they were feeling a bit down or experiencing some sort of challenge in their life because others might think they were not vibrating ‘high’ enough or were ‘less’ spiritual than other people. So what was actually happening was, was that there was an expectation that if you were very spiritual, you would be constantly vibrating at a high level and that if you are vibrating at a high level, then nothing bad can happen to you and you can never have negative thoughts. Of course, this is a load of BS. As with everything, there is some truth in it but it is not the whole story. I believe that this is actually designed to do the opposite of what people think it is going to do. It creates a hierarchy for one. I don’t believe that ANYONE constantly vibrates at the same level all of the time. I think that we are constantly shifting between vibrations. I also think that we can manifest at any vibration, in fact we all ARE manifesting constantly, it’s just that we aren’t conscious of it. But we can only manifest at the level of consciousness that we are at. I don’t think that only good thinks happen if you are at a high level of consciousness. I just think that whatever you do manifest will be brought into manifestation in perfect balance, rather than in duality. I think that sometimes we create situations that are necessary for our growth or that we are there to help others with. It doesn’t necessarily reflect our own personal vibration as being low. So going back to me as a 7 year old child. Would you tell me as a child, that I was experiencing that abuse, my parents splitting up and unhappiness because I was at a low vibration? Of course you wouldn’t. So why do we think it’s ok to do that to adults, who have never been shown or guided in how to use these powers when at the age when we were receptive to it? Is it fair to tell a parent with a child who is terminally ill, that the reason why they are experiencing all of these heartbreakingly horrendous things in their life, is because of their vibration? I personally, don’t think that it has anything to do with vibration at all. I think you can be functioning at a very high level of consciousness and have this sort of experience, and in fact many do because it is maybe a contract that they have agreed to or something from a past life that needs revisiting. We are not blank canvases when we come into this reality, and we have things happen to us as children that we don’t have any control over, and there is also lot’s of technology out there that targets us and our thoughts and emotions, so to tell someone that the reason why they are experiencing seemingly negative things in their life is because it’s their fault and some sort of a lack on their part is quite naïve at the very least but can potentially be damaging. It can cause isolation and separation and can make a person feel less than or a failure. In my eyes this is not what spirituality is about. To me spirituality is about embodying love and acceptance and acting with integrity and respect, it is unconditional. Making someone feel less than you, is a form of spiritual snobbery and is not love based and is full of judgement. We can only know the world through our own eyes and senses, not through someone else’s. Everyone has their unique contribution to make and we all have periods in our lives where we might struggle, so we need to be helping and supporting one another, not looking down on them and judging them. This has been brought to my attention again recently, and I was surprised because I thought that this knowledge and attitude had moved away from the spiritual community and was moving more into mainstream. I just think that we don’t really have a right to judge another person, unless they are deliberately harming another. I also think that people might be more inclined to avoid situations and people that might be perceived to be of low vibration, because people don’t want to lower their own vibrations. Again this is spiritual snobbery and this sort of attitude might well lead to slowing the person’s growth down as they may avoid situations that could help them to grow spiritually.