The completion of 7 days in the desert.

Sunday was the final day of my 7 days in the desert. I could have stuck to it better than I did but I did feel that I got a lot out of the week anyway.

Day 6 was connecting the heart to the third eye and I got a headache after doing the breathing exercises and power words, right in the middle of my head. I also had the same headache plus feeling ungrounded yesterday as if there was some energetic shifting taking place.  I didn’t write this right after I finished as I felt I needed to integrate and assimilate first. What is interesting is that there seem to be some significant shifts happening. Firstly, I have come across a course to help me put together my website better and increase it’s search engine rankings. So this website is up for a revamp so watch this space. Secondly, I think that as my energy has shifted, so have the people around me and I now feel that my friendships are becoming more honest. It seems that people who I was having issues with previously, things are now ok and more relaxed and the one’s where things seemed ok, the cracks are showing where the friendship wasn’t authentic. And I knew this anyway, as I had seen signs. And, as always I have looked at my own behaviour. But ultimately, I can’t have people in my life who insist on projecting their unconscious judgments onto me that aren’t true. I can’t participate in that any more. And thirdly, I have decided that this fast would be a good thing to do as a retreat, so I am going to organise a 3 day retreat to start with and it will be based upon the principles outlined in The Law of Light: The secret teachings of Jesus.

I have been back on facebook but it’s not going to be at the level it was previously. And I have just been inspired by a documentary that I watched on youtube entitled Weight loss Documentary transformation Elle Ip. Which is an amazing documentary about a woman who transformed her body after just giving birth, to competition level for sports modelling. Very inspiring, showing that if you put your mind to it you can achieve anything you want in life. On that note……………..

Day 5 in the desert

 

Today is about connecting to the throat chakra and speaking your truth. Saying yes when you mean it and no when you mean it. The power mantra is I am truth – Inana Shrara. I was surprised at the emotions that came up when practicing this breathing technique. Breathing in through the heart while repeating Inana and out through the throat while repeating shrara. I felt grief and sadness and suddenly wanted to vomit and wretch, which is an indication that something is clearing. The emotions came on suddenly and lasted seconds but they were deep. Thoughts then came to me, reminding me of the fact that I am 50yrs old this year and so I am starting to age and I started to ask myself what have I achieved with my life and have I achieved what I want to. The answer was a resounding no and then I felt immense grief for wasting so much of my life and the gifts that have been given to me and so I have made a vow to myself to make the most of the life that I have left and share my gifts with the world. Time is ticking along and I don’t want to leave this world with only having existed. I want to make a difference. I want to live my mission. I want to live MY truth and no one else’s.  I want to have rich, deep, meaningful relationships. I want to find my life partner and experience the deepest love in physical form. I want to develop as a person on all levels to the best that I can possibly be in this physical body. So in that case I have to rid myself of the last remnants of lack of self love and go for it. I deserve to be happy and have a life filled with love now. I am love. Inana Rakhma. I have lot’s to offer this world, as has everyone and it is time to stop telling myself anything less and selling myself short.  I have always felt that I haven’t got anything new to share within the spiritual movement/community but over the last few weeks, I am realising more and more that I have lot’s of insights and personal points of view of how I see the world and how it works that might be valuable to others to help them on their journey also. And even if my views are not totally new, I might put the information forward in a way that reaches people that haven’t seen or resonated with this stuff before. We all help each other. We are all walking each other home. I had thought that there couldn’t possibly be anything new to share and who am I to think that I have anything new that is of value to offer but then I thought to myself that I was buying into the old paradigm by thinking that others know more than I do. We all have pieces of the jigsaw puzzle and by sharing my piece then others might share theirs too. We all activate each other and turn on the dormant DNA that spirals us to an ever increasing understanding of ourselves and our own true power. The secret is quite simple LOVE!!

Full moon in the desert

I know that I said that I wasn’t going to post any more blogs this week until the end but so much is coming to the surface to be healed and I am gaining so many insights and wisdom that it would be rude not to share.

Today is day 2 of my 7 days in the desert and it is also a full moon and it feels like I have already done a week. This morning when I got up, I started contemplating my own behaviour and why I always feel the need to reach out to people who are down, alone, helpless. Or not so much why I reach out, as I reach out because I know what it is like to feel alone and I don’t want anyone else to feel like that. But there is more to it than that, as I then start to worry that they will leave me, that when they feel better, they will move on and leave me behind. And it is this I am questioning and then I have to question my motives for reaching out in the first place. Not because I am not being genuine when I reach out but more asking where am I coming from inside when I do this. I was given the answer almost immediately. Basically, when I reach out to others, I am also reaching out to my inner child, the little girl inside me that never got the love that she deserved. The little girl inside me who felt so all alone, for all of her childhood and nobody ever paid her any attention. The one that never wants anyone else to feel like that. Although I was sort of aware of this, this revelation came at me in a way that it never had before. And the fact that I cannot fulfil my own needs through other people. I need to give myself the same understanding and unconditional love that I give other people.

And this ties nicely into the next bit because connected to that is that because I am very empathic and don’t want others to feel alone when they are hurting, I sort of have this expectation that others will do the same for me, and they never do, obviously, because of my expectation or need. It is not a conscious expectation. Rather it arrives as a feeling of being let down, or rejection when others aren’t there for me. And the more that I allow myself to care about someone, the greater this expectation of being let down is.  Truth is, thinking about it, I maybe even unconsciously create these situations, just so that I can confirm to myself how unlovable I am. And I have never ever thought of myself as needy before. But these last few weeks I have been behaving like that. Thinking about it, I am not sure whether it is that I have never been needy or whether I thought that I was so undeserving of any kind of love that I almost told myself that it didn’t matter and was part of the process so I didn’t allow myself to get too attached to people. I think that is what has been different over the last few weeks. I have allowed myself to get attached, but this has brought to the surface all of those hidden insecurities. And I don’t think that it is a major thing, because as I am contemplating and reflecting on it and these feelings come to the surface, and I am gaining insights and wisdom into it all, I am sure that I am healing. Plus anything which is brought out into the open can no longer have power over you. I am hoping anyway.

I haven’t been liking myself very much today as I have thought about some of the things that I have said and thought and the way that I have behaved. But then if these things had never happened,  the feelings wouldn’t be coming to the surface to be healed now. So I am in deepest gratitude to the people who have helped me through this process. I just seem to like to do things the hard way.

Yesterday I wrote about trust. I think that the biggest obstacle to trust is trusting yourself. Again it boils down to self love. If we can trust in ourselves to lead us where we need to go and to overcome any obstacles in our way, heal our own wounds, then this will be reflected in our outside world. We just all need to take a chill pill and enjoy the ride.

Day 1 of my 7 days in the desert

So my first day in the desert is almost completed and this is the only day that I will be posting this week. The rest I will be writing in my personal journal.

Because of work commitments, I haven’t really been able to stick to it as rigidly as set out in the book I am reading, The Law of Light: The secret teachings of Jesus, but that almost doesn’t matter. I am following my own intuition and guidance on the matter and already I am having some pretty profound results. The first thing that I did was to switch the wifi off last night and my quality of sleep was so much more improved and I woke up feeling rested and energised.

I have been easing myself into it gently, as I knew that any drastic change to my diet would cause me to feel unwell. Something which it would then make it difficult to carry out my daily work in a competent manner. I have been eating less over the past week anyway so I am not feeling as hungry and my body isn’t requiring as much food as normal anyway, and this is making the transition easier. I have more or less stuck to the diet. The only thing that I have had that wasn’t probably allowed were rice cakes and humus but I didn’t have many of these and this is only the beginning of the cleanse. And surprisingly, I don’t feel hungry at all and I have so much mental clarity and alertness already, and I feel calmer and lighter.

I have been able to carry out my normal daily work with so much more focus than normal because I haven’t had the temptation to check facebook on my phone every time I have a few spare minutes. Although I have drifted a couple of times into a parallel world lol! Actually, focus at work was becoming a bit of a problem, as it was getting to the stage where I couldn’t focus at all, except for when I was doing visits and this has meant I was getting quite behind with my work and causing me stress. Today seemed quite easy. When it got to 4.30pm though, I was losing focus and ready to switch off for the day. I think that possibly I need to start my day earlier so that I can finish earlier.

Initially,  when I finished work, I was tempted to do my usual routine of zoning out on facebook. I did have a quick peek but then switched off. Instead, I did something almost as bad as zoning out on facebook. I started watching videos on youtube about illuminati etc……………….not the best move at all. I was just trying to understand something though. The inversion of this world and the deception and twistedness of it all is unreal. It can make you paranoid and afraid. Who exactly can you trust any more? So I decided to switch off youtube and look at what I was meant to be focusing on today.

The first day of 7 days in the desert asks you to open a circle which you will spend the next few days in and then read the first line of the alternative Lords Prayer ‘Heavenly Source ALAHA/Thou who art everywhere’ and that is the focus of meditation today (or this evening). Then some breathing techniques while saying Aramaic words of I am unconditional love and I am safe. These techniques fill you with the light of unconditional love and provide protection. And at the same time you honour your forefathers and all those who have trodden ‘The Path’ before you. To forgive yourself and those who maybe need forgiveness. Also to set the intention behind your 7 days in the desert out loud. I did all of this and could feel the energies of unconditional love. After a little while of carrying out this breathing technique, I suddenly got a vision of when I was a small child and something my parents did to my brother. I was so angry with them and with the universe. How could they do this! And the tears flowed. And how could I have been born into such a family? I felt anger and shame. The tears flowed for only a short time and then they stopped and after a short time I realised that they were doing their best at that time and that was the only thing they knew what to do, with the knowledge and experience that they had. And I felt some healing of all of that. Not just for me, but for them also.

I then did some meditation, which was deep and I felt so much love for self and everything afterwards. And then did some healing, which ended in the oceans pouring through me and purifying me and I was also purifying them.

The wisdom that I have gained today is that whatever you look for in another person, you will find if you look deep enough. We are mirrors for each other. And the world responds according to how we perceive it and what we observe. A wave changes into a particle when it is observed but because we all see the world in a slightly different way due to our beliefs and expectations then that particle will respond to our beliefs in some way. Usually by illuminating what we are expecting to see. But just because the thing that we are expecting to see is illuminated and looks real, doesn’t mean that it is real. It is easy to make assumptions and judgments based upon what we see by filling in the gaps due to past experiences etc. But that might not be the case and someone might not be behaving in a certain way because of what you believe to be true or things may not be how they seem. How you judge another is how you judge yourself, and vice versa. When you have been traumatised or let down in the past it is a challenge to trust other people. You are constantly on high alert for reasons not to trust them. For that one sign. For those inconsistencies, trying to spot the time when they lie to you and them bam! You were right all along. How can you trust anyone!! They always let you down. The truth is. Or how I am beginning to see it is, that if you look for this then you will always find it because no one is perfect, and things are never as they seem, and so you will always have a self fulfilling prophecy because you are looking for it and they will sense you are looking for it and so they will begin to not trust you and then you have a double whammy! But you need discernment right, or others will just take advantage! Yes and no, I think is the answer to that. As within, so without. So, while ever there is this issue with not trusting others, you will attract people to you who have that tendency to either let others down, or to find it difficult to trust themselves. These people will be presented as an opportunity for both of you to heal. Because ultimately we are one.  When we no longer hold this in our energy field, we will no longer attract others with this tendency either, or if there is a commitment, both can be healed together by learning to trust each other and transcending the previous conditioning. It’s so easy to get lost in the mind stuff and the tricks that it plays on us. As long as we take ourselves back to our hearts then we will be ok.

Looking forward to day 2 in the desert!

Life without Facebook

Well today I finally made the decision. I have been contemplating it for a while but today I actually took the plunge, unplugged and deleted the apps from my phone. No more facebook or messenger for a few days. I actually felt a little nervous! WTF!! Do I really need it in my life this much? This is why I need to come off facebook, or fakebook as I have now started calling it. Thing is I could feel my energy getting sucked, and I’m quite a strong person. My energy is not that easy to mess with but I could feel it being sucked. Facebook had taken over my life. Time to take charge while I still can. More than that though,  I had started being triggered by stuff that was being posted. And I have spent most of my life deprogramming and overcoming stuff from my childhood in order to not be triggered and I had become pretty good at not being triggered in my real life but now this facebook thing had got into my head and I was questioning the motives of some of the posts I was seeing. But more weird and unnerving than that was that comments were being deleted or things being hidden, when they weren’t and this was actually causing conflict and suspicion for me with friends etc. Facebook is now AI (Artificial Intelligence). So I decided to unplug for a few days.

As soon as I deleted the app from my phone, I picked up a book that I was in the middle of reading called The Law of Light: The Secret Teachings of Jesus and the next page that I turned to was all about the famous 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert. It also suggested that this could be done for 3 or 7 days, and what actually happened was that Jesus went on a fast for 40 days in order to connect with his true self. The idea being that you are totally alone and unprotected and so you confront yourself with mental temptation and cleanse your body of impurities with a fast which involves drinking water and juices and eating avocado, dates and honey. The idea is that your senses are heightened and mental energy levels are also, which is conducive with visions and healing. This is an opportunity to ‘wipe the slate clean’ and re-establish the original, heavenly condition. It is this condition Jesus refers to when he says that we must be born again before we can enter the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18:1-5).  This literally was the very next page that I turned after I had just deleted my apps. Ah, so this is what I was meant to do and the fact that the next 7 days lead up to Easter Sunday makes it seem even more pertinent. So this is what I need to do!

The idea is that you are meant to cut yourself off from everyone for 7 days. I can’t do that, as I need to go to work but I can do it over the weekend for 3 of the 7 days and I can do the healing and the meditation/prayers and connecting to nature in the evenings on the days when I am working. So it is feasible. Also, I will do the fasting diet it suggests, with a little tweaking but over the weekend, I will also do a parasite cleanse. The last time I did a parasite cleanse (only time actually), I felt amazing afterwards. Not at the actual time of the cleanse but I think that was because I hadn’t prepped enough, whereas this time I will have. It completely ridded my body of any nano technology. How do I know this? Because before the cleanse I would only have to think of a subject and it would appear on facebook (this was without typing anything into any searches) and afterwards this didn’t happen for a long time. I also felt so clear on all levels, mentally, emotionally, physically I had so much energy. So parasite cleanse it is then.

What will I do with my time if I am not on facebook and not seeing anyone? I will mainly spend it reading, meditating, healing, and writing (lot’s of writing)  and anything else which feels appropriate in order to facilitate this process.

So what does it mean to return to the original heavenly condition? I feel that it means our original Divine blueprint. This is massive and has the potential to be life changing.  And not just for me either. I will write in my blog each day to record my progress. Although I may not post these until the end of the cleanse.  I am not expecting it to be easy at all but I am expecting something amazing to happen. See you on the other side.