Wake up call

Today is the day that I realised just how bad things have got! A wake up call, which I don’t need to go into here but it has made me look around me – my house, my life, my reclusive behaviour – and see that I am barely holding on by a piece of string. I have not been looking after myself, not tending to things in my life that I should have been. And I’m not even sure why really. But I have developed some pretty strange phobias around things that I don’t deal with when I should. So I leave them even longer, until I just get overwhelmed with everything, to the point that I can’t even do the simplest task. Well that’s how I was feeling this morning. Only able to put one foot in front of the other, get food for myself, do a bit of shopping, take the dog out and feed it. Everything else was feeling too much to deal with. Except, I hadn’t realised how much of everything was too much to deal with until this evening. Then something happened to jolt me into the realisation that if I didn’t get my act together pretty sharpish, then things are going to go tits up in a big way for me. After this jolt, I was able to clean the kitchen and tidy and hoover the living room in about half an hour (although still some to do) and this had seemed an insurmountable task! Hmmm!! So what is going on here?

On reflection I think there are a few things going on. Part of it is childhood programming and ancestral stuff. And part of it is breaking out of mind control via programming and implants too. And part of it is feeling let down by people who were important to me.

Procrastination, putting things off until I get stressed and until the task seems much bigger than it actually is, has always been a trait of mine. I have always ‘worked better  under pressure’. So what does ‘working better under pressure’ actually mean? Interesting question. To me it means that I leave myself just enough time to complete the task in the deadline that has been set. This often involves rushing the task, which inevitably means that you do not put your best effort in, because there is not enough time. And this is always then a good excuse, is it not, if you do not perform to the desired standard, as if you had given  yourself more time, you could have performed the task better. But usually I do perform to the desired standard so then there is even less incentive to not leave things to the last minute.  There is also a little bit of thrill seeking from this type of behaviour, as there is a certain level of excitement in trying to get something finished in a short deadline. And usually I have it timed to the minute. It’s also a habit. And habits are hard to break. Lately though, over the last few months, there has been something more sinister going on. Something which is making me behave in ways that I wouldn’t normally behave. Whatever it is has been exaggerating all of the usual feelings that I would get when procrastinating and this has led to phobia type feelings and then avoidance of the task or issue completely, which could have quite serious repercussions. It’s like I am sitting with my fingers in my ears going lalalalala, at the top of my voice in order to avoid it. I guess, what I realised this evening was, that I had given up, and that scared the shit out of me more than the actual tasks that I have been avoiding. Sometimes I can’t see the point in doing some of these tasks, when I am the only one who will see or benefit. Can’t be bothered doing that just for me. It won’t matter if I leave that a bit longer, as there is only me that will see it. Then I end up leaving stuff until they become a problem. If I lived with someone else or there was a significant other in my life, I am sure this wouldn’t have got to this stage. But that shouldn’t be the reason for doing stuff anyway.

I have been let down by so many people over the last year and this has affected me more than I realised. Particularly as I trusted the most recent two people and trust is extremely difficult for me due to past conditioning. This has made me turn into a bit of a recluse for a while. And I am happy with my own company but the self love is something that I am still working on. So hence the not taking care of my environment and everyday tasks.  But I am starting to meet new people now, which is really good and these are more genuine connections, with no hidden agenda or inauthenticity. So there are definitely positive changes taking place.

Plus there was the alien implants. I won’t go into too much detail about that here but I have had numerous alien implants and technology removed, plus attachments and I am pretty sure that these implants have had something to do with mind control and exaggerating my phobias, and my behaviour too. Plus I have recently found out that parts of my childhood are not how I remember them and that horrendous stuff has happened to me and been part of and then had false memories inserted and the real memories wiped. This is a complete mind fuck, as trying to get your head around the fact that your childhood is different to how you remember it is extremely challenging. I will write about all of this another time but I did need to mention it as it is a big part of all of this and my behaviour. And I am also on a homeopathic detox, to detox vaccines and roaccutane. So this will help to unlock, open up and release stuff from cells, also. So I am clearing, releasing and healing on many levels simultaneously at the moment. I have also been shown how to protect my energy, shield myself and command my personal space. And learning how to do this is essential as we move through these chaotic times as there are so many vampires and parasites out there waiting to feed from us and suck us dry. This has made a huge difference to my overall energy levels and to how I look.  And so, I received the wake up call this evening. And this has shown me that I am not ready to give up yet and I will never give in.

 

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The completion of 7 days in the desert.

Sunday was the final day of my 7 days in the desert. I could have stuck to it better than I did but I did feel that I got a lot out of the week anyway.

Day 6 was connecting the heart to the third eye and I got a headache after doing the breathing exercises and power words, right in the middle of my head. I also had the same headache plus feeling ungrounded yesterday as if there was some energetic shifting taking place.  I didn’t write this right after I finished as I felt I needed to integrate and assimilate first. What is interesting is that there seem to be some significant shifts happening. Firstly, I have come across a course to help me put together my website better and increase it’s search engine rankings. So this website is up for a revamp so watch this space. Secondly, I think that as my energy has shifted, so have the people around me and I now feel that my friendships are becoming more honest. It seems that people who I was having issues with previously, things are now ok and more relaxed and the one’s where things seemed ok, the cracks are showing where the friendship wasn’t authentic. And I knew this anyway, as I had seen signs. And, as always I have looked at my own behaviour. But ultimately, I can’t have people in my life who insist on projecting their unconscious judgments onto me that aren’t true. I can’t participate in that any more. And thirdly, I have decided that this fast would be a good thing to do as a retreat, so I am going to organise a 3 day retreat to start with and it will be based upon the principles outlined in The Law of Light: The secret teachings of Jesus.

I have been back on facebook but it’s not going to be at the level it was previously. And I have just been inspired by a documentary that I watched on youtube entitled Weight loss Documentary transformation Elle Ip. Which is an amazing documentary about a woman who transformed her body after just giving birth, to competition level for sports modelling. Very inspiring, showing that if you put your mind to it you can achieve anything you want in life. On that note……………..

Day 5 in the desert

 

Today is about connecting to the throat chakra and speaking your truth. Saying yes when you mean it and no when you mean it. The power mantra is I am truth – Inana Shrara. I was surprised at the emotions that came up when practicing this breathing technique. Breathing in through the heart while repeating Inana and out through the throat while repeating shrara. I felt grief and sadness and suddenly wanted to vomit and wretch, which is an indication that something is clearing. The emotions came on suddenly and lasted seconds but they were deep. Thoughts then came to me, reminding me of the fact that I am 50yrs old this year and so I am starting to age and I started to ask myself what have I achieved with my life and have I achieved what I want to. The answer was a resounding no and then I felt immense grief for wasting so much of my life and the gifts that have been given to me and so I have made a vow to myself to make the most of the life that I have left and share my gifts with the world. Time is ticking along and I don’t want to leave this world with only having existed. I want to make a difference. I want to live my mission. I want to live MY truth and no one else’s.  I want to have rich, deep, meaningful relationships. I want to find my life partner and experience the deepest love in physical form. I want to develop as a person on all levels to the best that I can possibly be in this physical body. So in that case I have to rid myself of the last remnants of lack of self love and go for it. I deserve to be happy and have a life filled with love now. I am love. Inana Rakhma. I have lot’s to offer this world, as has everyone and it is time to stop telling myself anything less and selling myself short.  I have always felt that I haven’t got anything new to share within the spiritual movement/community but over the last few weeks, I am realising more and more that I have lot’s of insights and personal points of view of how I see the world and how it works that might be valuable to others to help them on their journey also. And even if my views are not totally new, I might put the information forward in a way that reaches people that haven’t seen or resonated with this stuff before. We all help each other. We are all walking each other home. I had thought that there couldn’t possibly be anything new to share and who am I to think that I have anything new that is of value to offer but then I thought to myself that I was buying into the old paradigm by thinking that others know more than I do. We all have pieces of the jigsaw puzzle and by sharing my piece then others might share theirs too. We all activate each other and turn on the dormant DNA that spirals us to an ever increasing understanding of ourselves and our own true power. The secret is quite simple LOVE!!

Full moon in the desert

I know that I said that I wasn’t going to post any more blogs this week until the end but so much is coming to the surface to be healed and I am gaining so many insights and wisdom that it would be rude not to share.

Today is day 2 of my 7 days in the desert and it is also a full moon and it feels like I have already done a week. This morning when I got up, I started contemplating my own behaviour and why I always feel the need to reach out to people who are down, alone, helpless. Or not so much why I reach out, as I reach out because I know what it is like to feel alone and I don’t want anyone else to feel like that. But there is more to it than that, as I then start to worry that they will leave me, that when they feel better, they will move on and leave me behind. And it is this I am questioning and then I have to question my motives for reaching out in the first place. Not because I am not being genuine when I reach out but more asking where am I coming from inside when I do this. I was given the answer almost immediately. Basically, when I reach out to others, I am also reaching out to my inner child, the little girl inside me that never got the love that she deserved. The little girl inside me who felt so all alone, for all of her childhood and nobody ever paid her any attention. The one that never wants anyone else to feel like that. Although I was sort of aware of this, this revelation came at me in a way that it never had before. And the fact that I cannot fulfil my own needs through other people. I need to give myself the same understanding and unconditional love that I give other people.

And this ties nicely into the next bit because connected to that is that because I am very empathic and don’t want others to feel alone when they are hurting, I sort of have this expectation that others will do the same for me, and they never do, obviously, because of my expectation or need. It is not a conscious expectation. Rather it arrives as a feeling of being let down, or rejection when others aren’t there for me. And the more that I allow myself to care about someone, the greater this expectation of being let down is.  Truth is, thinking about it, I maybe even unconsciously create these situations, just so that I can confirm to myself how unlovable I am. And I have never ever thought of myself as needy before. But these last few weeks I have been behaving like that. Thinking about it, I am not sure whether it is that I have never been needy or whether I thought that I was so undeserving of any kind of love that I almost told myself that it didn’t matter and was part of the process so I didn’t allow myself to get too attached to people. I think that is what has been different over the last few weeks. I have allowed myself to get attached, but this has brought to the surface all of those hidden insecurities. And I don’t think that it is a major thing, because as I am contemplating and reflecting on it and these feelings come to the surface, and I am gaining insights and wisdom into it all, I am sure that I am healing. Plus anything which is brought out into the open can no longer have power over you. I am hoping anyway.

I haven’t been liking myself very much today as I have thought about some of the things that I have said and thought and the way that I have behaved. But then if these things had never happened,  the feelings wouldn’t be coming to the surface to be healed now. So I am in deepest gratitude to the people who have helped me through this process. I just seem to like to do things the hard way.

Yesterday I wrote about trust. I think that the biggest obstacle to trust is trusting yourself. Again it boils down to self love. If we can trust in ourselves to lead us where we need to go and to overcome any obstacles in our way, heal our own wounds, then this will be reflected in our outside world. We just all need to take a chill pill and enjoy the ride.

Day 1 of my 7 days in the desert

So my first day in the desert is almost completed and this is the only day that I will be posting this week. The rest I will be writing in my personal journal.

Because of work commitments, I haven’t really been able to stick to it as rigidly as set out in the book I am reading, The Law of Light: The secret teachings of Jesus, but that almost doesn’t matter. I am following my own intuition and guidance on the matter and already I am having some pretty profound results. The first thing that I did was to switch the wifi off last night and my quality of sleep was so much more improved and I woke up feeling rested and energised.

I have been easing myself into it gently, as I knew that any drastic change to my diet would cause me to feel unwell. Something which it would then make it difficult to carry out my daily work in a competent manner. I have been eating less over the past week anyway so I am not feeling as hungry and my body isn’t requiring as much food as normal anyway, and this is making the transition easier. I have more or less stuck to the diet. The only thing that I have had that wasn’t probably allowed were rice cakes and humus but I didn’t have many of these and this is only the beginning of the cleanse. And surprisingly, I don’t feel hungry at all and I have so much mental clarity and alertness already, and I feel calmer and lighter.

I have been able to carry out my normal daily work with so much more focus than normal because I haven’t had the temptation to check facebook on my phone every time I have a few spare minutes. Although I have drifted a couple of times into a parallel world lol! Actually, focus at work was becoming a bit of a problem, as it was getting to the stage where I couldn’t focus at all, except for when I was doing visits and this has meant I was getting quite behind with my work and causing me stress. Today seemed quite easy. When it got to 4.30pm though, I was losing focus and ready to switch off for the day. I think that possibly I need to start my day earlier so that I can finish earlier.

Initially,  when I finished work, I was tempted to do my usual routine of zoning out on facebook. I did have a quick peek but then switched off. Instead, I did something almost as bad as zoning out on facebook. I started watching videos on youtube about illuminati etc……………….not the best move at all. I was just trying to understand something though. The inversion of this world and the deception and twistedness of it all is unreal. It can make you paranoid and afraid. Who exactly can you trust any more? So I decided to switch off youtube and look at what I was meant to be focusing on today.

The first day of 7 days in the desert asks you to open a circle which you will spend the next few days in and then read the first line of the alternative Lords Prayer ‘Heavenly Source ALAHA/Thou who art everywhere’ and that is the focus of meditation today (or this evening). Then some breathing techniques while saying Aramaic words of I am unconditional love and I am safe. These techniques fill you with the light of unconditional love and provide protection. And at the same time you honour your forefathers and all those who have trodden ‘The Path’ before you. To forgive yourself and those who maybe need forgiveness. Also to set the intention behind your 7 days in the desert out loud. I did all of this and could feel the energies of unconditional love. After a little while of carrying out this breathing technique, I suddenly got a vision of when I was a small child and something my parents did to my brother. I was so angry with them and with the universe. How could they do this! And the tears flowed. And how could I have been born into such a family? I felt anger and shame. The tears flowed for only a short time and then they stopped and after a short time I realised that they were doing their best at that time and that was the only thing they knew what to do, with the knowledge and experience that they had. And I felt some healing of all of that. Not just for me, but for them also.

I then did some meditation, which was deep and I felt so much love for self and everything afterwards. And then did some healing, which ended in the oceans pouring through me and purifying me and I was also purifying them.

The wisdom that I have gained today is that whatever you look for in another person, you will find if you look deep enough. We are mirrors for each other. And the world responds according to how we perceive it and what we observe. A wave changes into a particle when it is observed but because we all see the world in a slightly different way due to our beliefs and expectations then that particle will respond to our beliefs in some way. Usually by illuminating what we are expecting to see. But just because the thing that we are expecting to see is illuminated and looks real, doesn’t mean that it is real. It is easy to make assumptions and judgments based upon what we see by filling in the gaps due to past experiences etc. But that might not be the case and someone might not be behaving in a certain way because of what you believe to be true or things may not be how they seem. How you judge another is how you judge yourself, and vice versa. When you have been traumatised or let down in the past it is a challenge to trust other people. You are constantly on high alert for reasons not to trust them. For that one sign. For those inconsistencies, trying to spot the time when they lie to you and them bam! You were right all along. How can you trust anyone!! They always let you down. The truth is. Or how I am beginning to see it is, that if you look for this then you will always find it because no one is perfect, and things are never as they seem, and so you will always have a self fulfilling prophecy because you are looking for it and they will sense you are looking for it and so they will begin to not trust you and then you have a double whammy! But you need discernment right, or others will just take advantage! Yes and no, I think is the answer to that. As within, so without. So, while ever there is this issue with not trusting others, you will attract people to you who have that tendency to either let others down, or to find it difficult to trust themselves. These people will be presented as an opportunity for both of you to heal. Because ultimately we are one.  When we no longer hold this in our energy field, we will no longer attract others with this tendency either, or if there is a commitment, both can be healed together by learning to trust each other and transcending the previous conditioning. It’s so easy to get lost in the mind stuff and the tricks that it plays on us. As long as we take ourselves back to our hearts then we will be ok.

Looking forward to day 2 in the desert!

Life without Facebook

Well today I finally made the decision. I have been contemplating it for a while but today I actually took the plunge, unplugged and deleted the apps from my phone. No more facebook or messenger for a few days. I actually felt a little nervous! WTF!! Do I really need it in my life this much? This is why I need to come off facebook, or fakebook as I have now started calling it. Thing is I could feel my energy getting sucked, and I’m quite a strong person. My energy is not that easy to mess with but I could feel it being sucked. Facebook had taken over my life. Time to take charge while I still can. More than that though,  I had started being triggered by stuff that was being posted. And I have spent most of my life deprogramming and overcoming stuff from my childhood in order to not be triggered and I had become pretty good at not being triggered in my real life but now this facebook thing had got into my head and I was questioning the motives of some of the posts I was seeing. But more weird and unnerving than that was that comments were being deleted or things being hidden, when they weren’t and this was actually causing conflict and suspicion for me with friends etc. Facebook is now AI (Artificial Intelligence). So I decided to unplug for a few days.

As soon as I deleted the app from my phone, I picked up a book that I was in the middle of reading called The Law of Light: The Secret Teachings of Jesus and the next page that I turned to was all about the famous 40 days that Jesus spent in the desert. It also suggested that this could be done for 3 or 7 days, and what actually happened was that Jesus went on a fast for 40 days in order to connect with his true self. The idea being that you are totally alone and unprotected and so you confront yourself with mental temptation and cleanse your body of impurities with a fast which involves drinking water and juices and eating avocado, dates and honey. The idea is that your senses are heightened and mental energy levels are also, which is conducive with visions and healing. This is an opportunity to ‘wipe the slate clean’ and re-establish the original, heavenly condition. It is this condition Jesus refers to when he says that we must be born again before we can enter the Kingdom of Heaven (Matthew 18:1-5).  This literally was the very next page that I turned after I had just deleted my apps. Ah, so this is what I was meant to do and the fact that the next 7 days lead up to Easter Sunday makes it seem even more pertinent. So this is what I need to do!

The idea is that you are meant to cut yourself off from everyone for 7 days. I can’t do that, as I need to go to work but I can do it over the weekend for 3 of the 7 days and I can do the healing and the meditation/prayers and connecting to nature in the evenings on the days when I am working. So it is feasible. Also, I will do the fasting diet it suggests, with a little tweaking but over the weekend, I will also do a parasite cleanse. The last time I did a parasite cleanse (only time actually), I felt amazing afterwards. Not at the actual time of the cleanse but I think that was because I hadn’t prepped enough, whereas this time I will have. It completely ridded my body of any nano technology. How do I know this? Because before the cleanse I would only have to think of a subject and it would appear on facebook (this was without typing anything into any searches) and afterwards this didn’t happen for a long time. I also felt so clear on all levels, mentally, emotionally, physically I had so much energy. So parasite cleanse it is then.

What will I do with my time if I am not on facebook and not seeing anyone? I will mainly spend it reading, meditating, healing, and writing (lot’s of writing)  and anything else which feels appropriate in order to facilitate this process.

So what does it mean to return to the original heavenly condition? I feel that it means our original Divine blueprint. This is massive and has the potential to be life changing.  And not just for me either. I will write in my blog each day to record my progress. Although I may not post these until the end of the cleanse.  I am not expecting it to be easy at all but I am expecting something amazing to happen. See you on the other side.

 

You’ve got to feel it to heal it

So I’ve not posted anything for a while. There’s been a lot going on but that isn’t really an excuse. It actually should be reason to write more as there has been so much going on that I can’t keep track any more. 2017 is definitely a different year to last year. And what it is  showing me, so far, and beyond all doubt, is that everything lies within. Now I have heard this phrase on numerous occasions, but not really felt it or knew what it really meant, but now I do. I used to think it was accessed through meditation but didn’t really understand how sitting there in a space of peace would help you to actualize your enlightened self, when there was chaos all around and you still had your own shit going on when not meditating. Except that it has been proven scientifically that by bringing your heart and mind into a state of coherence brings your whole body into balance and makes you more able to access positive emotions or bounce back when negative things happen to you, so makes you more resilient. Maybe this is what it meant but this didn’t feel like the whole story either. And plus by sitting in a state of peace, is this not escaping from reality a little bit? Just food for thought.

So thinking about how our world seems to function ie everything is topsy turvy and upside down, back to front. We live in a world which tries to suppress the outward expression of emotions, doesn’t teach children (or adults) how to express emotions in a positive and respectful way. In fact society teaches us that painful and negative emotions are wrong and that if you are feeling emotional pain, then there must be something wrong with  you because we should all be living in a positive state of happiness all of the time. Constantly busy, no time for emotions or feelings. Society is deliberately constructed like that. Then add the chaos and fear factor into it and hey presto you have a society where all emotions are triggered externally because of the information that humans are fed via the media and so this keeps people in a constant state of fear and disconnect from their internal feelings and emotions, which arise from what is happening inside that person, through human relationships. This can lead to all sorts of dysfunctional communication or lack of and if we are disconnected from our self, then we are also disconnected from others. So if we aren’t feeling fear, then we must be living the good life right? We are taught that to be successful and happy we must look a certain way, act a certain way, have a lot of money, have a good job, nice house, car etc so that is what people strive for and when they get them they then have to pretend to be happy. And yes I said pretend to be happy, because there are very few people that would be happy just with those things alone. And if someone is depressed then they are given pills to stop them from feeling sad. But these pills stop them from feeling at all!! So why don’t they want us to connect with our feelings? What is it about feeling pain that they don’t want us to discover? There must be some reason why they don’t want us to connect with our emotions and it certainly isn’t because they have our best interests at heart.

Basically it is because, if we feel pain and face it head on and allow those emotions to wash through  us and feel them fully, we are transformed. Pain is often the result of suppressed aspects of ourselves not being fully integrated and it resides as an unconscious memory in our cells. Often these memories are the result of trauma when we were a child. When an emotion is triggered by something which reminds us of that traumatic event, in an unconscious way it comes to the surface and we often project those feelings onto others. If we allow that feeling to come to the surface and feel it fully, we give ourselves the opportunity to remember the original trauma and integrate that memory into our conscious memory, which dissolves the trigger. This also gives us wisdom as we realise that we are not that emotion that we are feeling eg worthlessness, guilt etc and gives us an opp0rtunity to forgive others and ourselves. So it is healing. When we are able to transform and integrate all of the major wounds that occurred to us when we were young, and gain the wisdom from them so that we are no longer triggered by them and are able to gain a deeper understanding of ourself and know who we truly are and our purpose, then we stop looking externally for anything. We know that everything is within and it starts with self love and self awareness. The more aware we are of self, the more aware we are of everything and the deeper our connection is to everything and everyone. You can feel that connection. It is palpable. Unity consciousness has nothing to do with projecting our physical self or consciousness outside of our self to connect with others, it is about connecting totally and deeply with our self and dissolving all of our programmes, facing all of our darkness and accepting and integrating and when we deepen that connection to our self, we connect with others naturally. And we can only do this through our emotions. It is through feeling the deepest pain that we are able to feel the deepest love. It is absolutely true. And when we are able to let go of all attachment, then we are totally free. This is what self actualization is all about. But this letting go of attachment is not about flying away in consciousness to a far away dimension so that you don’t have to feel the pain. No, it is about feeling the worst possible pain imaginable, connected to attachment, until you reach a point where there are only 2 choices. You either live or end it all. I came to this point recently. Ireally didn’t want to be here any more. I asked myself what would happen if I ended it all. I would hurt my family and I didn’t think it was fair to hurt them. So that didn’t leave me with much of a choice. So by staying, what could I do to make it bearable and different to what it had been previously? I realised that the only way that I could find peace in being here would be to completely let go of any expectations of what others do. I realised that in having expectations on how others behave towards me, that I was limiting them somehow and I was also hurting myself and that I had to trust others and allow them to be who they need to be. That I am stronger than I actually give myself credit for and that I don’t need others to behave in any way towards me. I am fine. I can give myself all of what I was looking for in another person but if others want to give that then that is fine also. I realised that the right people would be in my life because of this new way of being and feeling about myself and I feel more empowered that I do not need others to feel validated.  This is totally freeing and when we integrate the dark and hidden parts of our self we allow more light in, more of our true soul essence and become more of who we truly are. This isn’t an easy process because it requires us to be totally honest with ourselves but it is the only way to self actualization in physical form. The only way to bring more light or soul essence into our physical body is to clear out the toxins and pollution that is blocking the light and most of this consists of painful emotions caused by unconscious trauma. You gotta feel it to heal it.

Spirituality and the law of attraction

When I was a small child I used to love to read. As soon as I had learnt to read, I remember being so excited, that I would read absolutely anything and everything with words on, trying to make sense of the world around me. The part of the world, which up until that point, had only been available to adults. The books that I most enjoyed to read at age 5 and 6 years old were stories about elf’s and fairies or stories such as Aesops fables and Brere Rabbit. I just seemed to understand their deeper meaning and used to love connecting with that recognition and gnosis in order to relate it to my own life or the meaning of life. I didn’t know then that these stories held the wisdom, of which I carry and am grounding into the earth,  so I was recognising myself in these stories.

As I got older, and was expected to read more academic books, my interest in reading dwindled. I think that if I could have read more fantasy, philosophy, mystic books, even at that age, I would have continued to love reading. But academia and famous five didn’t really interest me. I found them boring. What I wanted to learn about was life, and what made humans tick. Also, I was finding that I just wasn’t fitting in to teenage culture. I just didn’t  understand it and didn’t know what was expected of me. I also seemed to have this innate knowing that at some level, we create our own reality. But I took this a step too far and ended up feeling responsible for everything that happened to me in my life. This meant that I felt responsible for my parents splitting up and my father leaving us, for not feeling that my parents loved me and the abuse that I suffered, for my brother having Down’s syndrome. I literally did feel responsible for creating everything in my life, and because I was so deeply unhappy, I felt that I must have been such a bad person to have deserved all of what I had created.  I actually think that most children feel like this to a degree. I think at 7 years old it is a known fact, that children think that they create their reality, and it is dismissed as an immature phase of development, which children grow out of. But what if children have got it right. What if children are tapping into their own innate wisdom of what they are capable of and when they are aware of this they should be shown how to use this power to bring harmony to their lives and the lives of others. But if their care givers have never been taught how to harness their own creative powers, how can they be expected to teach their children these skills. So I moved through 3 key phases, as  a child. The first one thinking that everything was magical, the second phase being that I was responsible for creating the magic but the magic was full of abuse, heartache, sadness and lacking in love and the third phase was a consolidation of the fact that I was not lovable and burying the idea that I created it all but feeling more and more disempowered and alone in the world and not understanding how it worked,  if I had no control over how it was created. My childhood experiences completely messed me up for the next 20 or so years, to the point where I really struggled holding a conversation with another adult, at times, when I was in my late teens/early twenties because I had been bullied into not speaking by my mum and was afraid of what people would think of me. I started on a long hard slog to find out who I truly was and overcome this programming that had happened to me and I tried every self help book on the go but I was unable to apply any of them really, even though I understood what they were meaning.  The application was always difficult for me. I overcame much of these programmes regarding communication, through my nursing career, where obviously there is a requirement of being able to communicate with a wide variety of people and I have learnt so much in this regards and also about myself too in the process.  And I am grateful. There was still something missing from my life though.

Fast forward 20 years to my mid thirties and I am introduced to modern day spirituality via Reiki, which then made me curious about energy medicine and how it works and I would read books and watch videos (because we had the internet by this time) by people such as Gregg Braden and Bruce Lipton and I became like a child again. Like a sponge, soaking up all of this new found knowledge and a lot of it made absolutely complete sense. Parts of it, though, did feel a bit like some sort of club where everyone wears the same clothes, eats the same food etc and I didn’t really want to belong to a club so I sort of skirted around the peripheries of it all a little, but most of the time was spent gaining knowledge and I was particularly interested in relating energy medicine to science. Because I had always been a bit of a sceptic, I needed some proof and some concrete evidence as to how it all worked and I was finding it and it was blowing my mind. Why had I not come across this information sooner. Also, around this time there was the release of a movie and a book entitled ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Burn. It was huge at the time and was all about The Law of Attraction and how we create our own reality and the concept did make sense to me when I considered my new found knowledge about energy and quantum physics. Everyone was jumping on the band wagon and creating vision boards etc in order to create their perfect life but to me there was something missing. The way that it was being portrayed and used seemed a bit materialistic and third dimensional. A bit out of balance and most of all, a bit forced. As with every part of our development, particularly when it come to spiritual gifts, I have always had this innate knowing that we should not develop spiritual gifts in a forced or unnatural situation. For me, spiritual and psychic gifts will develop naturally as we develop and grow spiritually, as a person. And I have had this innate knowing proved correct time and time again. The reason being, is that we can only ever develop these skills at the level of consciousness that we are at at that particular time and there is then the possibility of tuning into or becoming distracted by a whole false ideology or by 4th dimensional entities posing as something that they are not. In regards to the law of attraction, if we have not developed sufficient spiritual maturity and expansion to fully embody the principles of the LOA at the highest levels or the skills don’t develop alongside and at the same rate that we develop overall and energetically, then there is a tendency to cause a spiritual imbalance. So, for instance, if too many people are, through intention, creating lot’s of material things that they want but they aren’t focused in love and gratitude, then it can actually have the opposite effect, because the law of balance will create the opposite of this in order to bring it back into balance because it is being created in a duality level of consciousness. Whereas if the person who is manifesting, is creating from a unity consciousness or 5 dimensional frequency of consciousness, then that person will already be in balance and so all aspects of the person unite to manifest the creation so there will be no counter creation. So although, I liked the idea of the LOA and a lot of it made sense, I instinctively knew that there was more to it than this and that we shouldn’t force it.

So where does this bring us to now. Actually, this subject has been brought to my attention a few times recently. It seemed that when The Secret, was really popular, and it became really fashionable, there was a tendency, by some people within that community, to look down on others who were having a tough time, and say that the reason why these people were having a tough time was because their vibration wasn’t high enough. This trend became so common that people within the spiritual community became too afraid to admit if they were feeling a bit down or experiencing some sort of challenge in their life because others might think they were not vibrating ‘high’ enough or were ‘less’ spiritual than other people. So what was actually happening was, was that there was an expectation that if you were very spiritual, you would be constantly vibrating at a high level and that if you are vibrating at a high level, then nothing bad can happen to you and you can never have negative thoughts. Of course, this is a load of BS. As with everything, there is some truth in it but it is not the whole story. I believe that this is actually designed to do the opposite of what people think it is going to do. It creates a  hierarchy for one. I don’t believe that ANYONE constantly vibrates at the same level all of the time. I think that we are constantly shifting between vibrations. I also think that we can manifest at any vibration, in fact we all ARE manifesting constantly, it’s just that we aren’t conscious of it. But we can only manifest at the level of consciousness that we are at. I don’t think that only good thinks happen if you are at a high level of consciousness. I just think that whatever you do manifest will be brought into manifestation in perfect balance, rather than in duality. I think that sometimes we create situations that are necessary for our growth or that we are there to help others with. It doesn’t necessarily reflect our own personal vibration as being low. So going back to me as a 7 year old child. Would you tell me as a child, that I was experiencing that abuse, my parents splitting up and unhappiness  because I was at a low vibration? Of course you wouldn’t. So why do we think it’s ok to do that to adults, who have never been shown or guided in how to use these powers when at the age when we were receptive to it? Is it fair to tell a parent with a child who is terminally ill, that the reason why they are experiencing all of these heartbreakingly horrendous things in their life, is because of their vibration? I personally, don’t think that it has anything to do with vibration at all. I think you can be functioning at a very high level of consciousness and have this sort of experience, and in fact many do because it is maybe a contract that they have agreed to or something from a past life that needs revisiting. We are not blank canvases when we come into this reality, and we have things happen to us as children that we don’t have any control over, and there is also lot’s of technology out there that targets us and our thoughts and emotions, so to tell someone that the reason why they are experiencing seemingly negative things in their life is because it’s their fault and some sort of a lack on their part is quite naïve at the very least but can potentially be damaging. It can cause isolation and separation and can make a person feel less than or a failure. In my eyes this is not what spirituality is about. To me spirituality is about embodying love and acceptance and acting with integrity and respect, it is unconditional. Making someone feel less than you, is a form of spiritual snobbery and is not love based and is full of judgement. We can only know the world through our own eyes and senses, not through someone else’s. Everyone has their unique contribution to make and we all have periods in our lives where we might struggle, so we need to be helping and supporting one another, not looking down on them and judging them. This has been brought to my attention again recently, and I was surprised because I thought that this knowledge and attitude had moved away from the spiritual community and was moving more into mainstream. I just think that we don’t really have a right to judge another person, unless they are deliberately harming another. I also think that people might be more inclined to avoid situations and people that might be perceived to be of low vibration, because people don’t want to lower their own vibrations. Again this is spiritual snobbery and this sort of attitude might well lead to slowing the person’s growth down as they may avoid situations that could help them to grow spiritually.

 

 

Rabbits and Hearts

The world is a mess. Let’s face it. And it is deliberately designed like that to confuse us. The prize is our soul and the way that they are trying to take our soul is through breaking the human heart. We, as a human race, cannot allow this to happen. This isn’t Mickey Mouse stuff, it’s for real. There are non human races out there who are seeking to take total control over the human race and the only stumbling point that they have come across is the human heart. This is the final goal before they claim their prize.

The human heart is so much more than a physical organ for pumping blood around the body. Even on a physical level, medical professionals are now discovering that it has it’s own neurons and nervous system and it’s own hormones and the energy that it produces is up to 50 times more than that of the brain. They have discovered that when we are stressed our brain and emotions are not in coherence and so the rhythm of our heart becomes chaotic, whereas when we can create coherence in our body, then the heart’s rhythm is much smoother. We can bring our body and mind into coherence by recreating positive feelings such as gratitude. This shows how powerful our hearts are, even on a physical level as, by practicing this exercise for just 5 minutes a day, we can train our brain to become more resilient and more easily access positive emotions as new neural pathways are formed towards positive thinking and emotions. On an energetic level the heart chakra is the central chakra in the body and connects all the other chakra’s. It is connected to love of all types, including self but it is also multidimensional so when we have developed spiritually we have the opportunity to access different dimensional aspects and essences of love, until we are able to experience true unconditional love, with no personal attachment and to give with no desire to receive in return. The heart is also connected to wisdom and the Divine Feminine and when our higher heart is open and connected to our heart chakra we can bring through those energies. This is done through allowing ourselves to feel and to transmute, alchemize and transform, which then becomes wisdom. And as we are alchemizing and transforming with the heart and higher heart then it is all done with love. So even the most painful of situations hold the opportunity to transform into love, although that might take a hell of lot of strength, resolve, faith, and the unwillingness to give in to anything else but love. And, of course, time. It is through the heart and through feeling that we come to understand who we are, our environment, others, nature and a big part of how we communicate. This can be on a very deep level and is totally different to mind communication. It is an inner knowing or wisdom. It is a portal to other dimensions and realities. So there is no wonder that those who want to keep us enslaved, do not want us to access it’s true power and seek to take control of it as it connects us to the whole of the universe and beyond. So until they can control the heart then they can’t take total control of us. The only way that they can take control of the heart is to shatter it. To break it into pieces through trauma so that we close it and are unable to feel and gain wisdom and become numb and mind centred. Humans are much easier to control if their consciousness is solely in the mind as there is technology to control thoughts and we become more compliant. So hence why we are made to feel that being unhappy or depressed is a sign of weakness or mental illness and that we should be happy all the time and that everyone else is having a perfect life, which of course, there is no such thing.

The truth is that our true power lies in the knowing that we are strong enough to face any adversity and that within the deepest sadness lies the deepest wisdom. When we truly know that we are strong enough (which of course we all are), it is liberating because we know that nothing can kill us. We are strong enough to take on anything and when we realise this our hearts expand and deepen until we know that not only are we strong enough to face our own darkness but we can also hold others in their darkness in complete unconditional love and acceptance. You know at an intuitive level that you can fit the whole world in your heart and it still won’t break. But the irony is that sometimes you have to experience the heartbreak first.

So look after your heart. Don’t be afraid to feel and handle others hearts with care and attention. Our hearts are the future of the human race so we need to be as connected to them as possible and to look out for each other too. I cannot emphasise how important it is. The future of the human race depends on our ability to preserve the human heart. Now how about that.

 

https://www.heartmath.org/research/research-library/

 

 

Organic v Inorganic timelines

When I first embarked upon my journey and quest for spiritual knowledge and growth, I was very innocent and not knowledgeable at all, in the 3D sense about such matters, especially when it came to such topics such as seeing and sensing aura’s, energy fields, being able to sense what was wrong with someone etc and chakra’s, and knowing what to do with someone’s energy field in order to help them to heal. Other people seemed so much more knowledgeable than I did and on the one hand I would feel quite inadequate and in awe almost, but on the other hand it never felt right to develop these skills purposefully. I always felt it was wrong (at least for me) to attend development circles and I always had a really strong sense that any skills and gifts, be they healing or psychic, would develop and reveal themselves as you develop and evolve as a person and that this is how it should be. I didn’t realise at the time, just how important this is and the significance of it all. To me it seemed that psychic gifts were being used interchangeably and an indication of your spiritual awareness and development. But I have always been of a very firm belief that well developed psychic gifts, without wisdom and personal awareness/development can actually delay and inhibit spiritual development and too greater importance can be placed upon the psychic gifts. It seemed/seems to me that these gifts are merely tools to enable us to navigate our way through this reality more easily. They are not a measure of how spiritual we are. But as with everything in this reality, the truth was inverted and manipulated by the control system, via the new cage movement to actually hinder our spiritual development rather than enhance it. I was learning so much yet there also seemed to be a gimmicky/commercial side to it that made me feel a little uncomfortable. It wasn’t until fairly recently that I realised the full significance of this.

I became aware that there were different timelines operating, fairly recently. Probably just over a year ago. Why I had not come across this information before I am not sure but, as with everything, the knowledge, information comes to us at the time that is right for us to assimilate it in order to assist our personal spiritual growth. At the time, I had become a little disillusioned with the spiritual circuit for all of the above reasons. There was a lot of spiritual snobbery around and the only spiritual people I were meeting were at mind, body, spirit fairs and these tended to be the same people trying to make a living from their spiritual work. I had run a stall at one of theses events myself but this didn’t feel right for me  either. It was too commercial for me and didn’t feel real. I took a break from it all for a while but this wasn’t the answer either as I wasn’t fulfilling a fundamental part of me. I started watching spiritual videos again and kept coming across the subject of organic and inorganic timelines. This subject caught my attention so I knew it was significant but I wasn’t sure why. There was also a lot of fear porn around, about needing to get on the right timeline or your soul would be captured and used for food and that the artificial or inorganic timelines are traps for this purpose. I understood what they were getting at and I am not meaning that it isn’t true because it might be. I do believe that there is a spiritual war for the human soul but I think that the only purpose that fear porn serves is to put people off the subject altogether and have the opposite effect that was intended. Offering the problem without a solution only tends to disempower rather than empower people. So what was a solution. What was an organic timeline? What does it look like as opposed to an inorganic timeline? How do we know which timeline we are on? And if we are on the inorganic timeline, how do we get back to the organic one. Then one day someone said to me that if we try to develop our spiritual gifts ie psychic and healing abilities deliberately by using exercises to do this then this connects to ET technology, which allows them to manipulate and control us and essentially puts us on the inorganic timeline. Well that was a revelation and confirmed why, all these years I had resisted and felt uncomfortable with participating in these activities and also that these gifts do develop naturally, in conjunction with our own personal spiritual development and that our gifts are unique to us and we are not all the same, and they develop in conjunction with wisdom. It is only through developing self awareness and wisdom , which gives us the understanding of how to use these gifts for the benefit of humanity, whereas if we lack wisdom and self awareness we might use the gifts to enhance our own ego’s and service to self rather than service to others. Sometimes the differences can be very subtle but the danger is that if you lack personal and collective awareness and wisdom then you will be very easily manipulated into thinking that you are actually benefiting mankind and may be carrying out these actions completely unaware that you might be causing harm rather than good.

It is my understanding that as we evolve and our awareness deepens, then our psychic and healing gifts and abilities take on a deeper and more multidimensional aspect to them and they connect to the authentic, inner soul knowing inside each of us, rather than the mind trying to figure stuff out. We can only develop our gifts to the level of our awareness, so in some ways does it really matter if we try to develop our gifts purposefully, as they can only develop to the level of awareness that we are already at. But I think that if we develop these gifts before we are ready, they actually hinder us rather than help us and can stunt our growth as our ego becomes attached to the idea that we are spiritually advanced because of our psychic or healing gifts.

So the conclusion that I have come to is that in order to stay on the organic timeline it is important to listen to what our intuition and our bodies are telling us about what we are meant or not to be doing. Noticing how something makes us feel and allowing things to just develop naturally are the two most important things we can do to keep us on the right track. I have also come to believe, in my quest to know which teachers are standing in their own power and not being influenced by outside forces, is to look at whether they are speaking with love and compassion and if they aren’t then I don’t follow and if they are then I listen to what they say. Never to follow blindly but to always use your discernment. So in other words, your own internal guidance system will help you to stay on the organic timeline with the help of those who are speaking from a place of love and compassion. Stay true to yourselves.